As we distribute ourselves, we may abandon ourselves. Sometimes people experience no sense of having communicated after hours of connection. And they report feelings of closeness when they are paying little attention. In all of this, there is a nagging question: Does virtual intimacy degrade our experience of the other kind and, indeed, of all encounters, of any kind?
Whether or not we frequently or regularly use digital media, we’ve all been undeniably and permanently altered by our experiences in virtual communication. Habituated to connecting with others online in today’s high-tech social reality, the culture of our relationships to ourselves and to others has significantly shifted. We invite you to take some time to examine the ways in which you’ve been changed by the digital revolution.
Below are some important questions to ask yourself:
How has your experience affected your life? How has it changed…
… your priorities in life?
… the way you relate to your partner?
…. the way you relate to your role in your family?
… your experience at work?
… your feeling of distance or closeness to your colleagues?
… the way you feel about the future – more or less optimistic?
… your relationship with friends or relatives?
… your feeling of connection to your loved ones?
… your sense of security or stability in the world?
… your experience of time (paying more/less attention to things happening in the moment)?
… your daily mood?
… your experience at work?
… your feeling of distance or closeness to your colleagues?
… the way you feel about the future – more or less optimistic?
… your relationship with friends or relatives?
… your feeling of connection to your loved ones?
… your sense of security or stability in the world?
… your experience of time (paying more/less attention to things happening in the moment)?
… your daily mood?
… what you need for yourself?
Our participation in the digital world comes with great benefits and great costs. As with all things, we must practice moderation. Plugging in can be great, as long as we can unplug. Control is key.
To spend too much time “plugged-in” is to invite problems into your personal life.
Our participation in the digital world comes with great benefits and great costs. As with all things, we must practice moderation. Plugging in can be great, as long as we can unplug. Control is key.
To spend too much time “plugged-in” is to invite problems into your personal life.
If you get into the mode of constant virtual connection, your communications with others in both the virtual and the physical world may start to feel taxing. When you overextend yourself and deny yourself opportunities to relax, your stress affects not only your mind but your body.
When you neglect your body’s need for exercise, sleep, and a healthy diet, your lifestyle choices can lead to physical illness. When Dr. John Gottman talks about the paradoxical need for selfishness in marriage, he speaks of just this, and adds, “Overwork and continual self-sacrifice lead to resentment, emotional distance, and loss of sexual intimacy.”
For Friday’s Weekend Homework Assignment, look forward to an exercise written by Dr. Gottman himself – an opportunity to reconnect with what is most important to you.
All for now,
Ellie Lisitsa
TGI Staff
Sources:
Gottman, John Mordechai, and Joan DeClaire. The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers.New York: Crown, 2001.
For Friday’s Weekend Homework Assignment, look forward to an exercise written by Dr. Gottman himself – an opportunity to reconnect with what is most important to you.
All for now,
Ellie Lisitsa
TGI Staff
Sources:
Gottman, John Mordechai, and Joan DeClaire. The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide for Building Better Connections with Family, Friends, and Lovers.New York: Crown, 2001.
Gottman, John Mordechai, Julie Schwartz Gottman, and Joan DeClaire. 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage.New York: Crown, 2006.
Turkle, Sherry. Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other. New York: Basic, 2011.